Script

JOHN: Now when people make fun of me I deserve it. I do. When people get mad at me now, it’s my fault. When people get mad at me on the highway ,that’s all my bad. I am a terrible driver. I know nothing about cars. I meant to learn about cars and then I forgot. Nothing that I know can help you with your car ever unless you are like “Hey, I have got a flat tire! Does anybody here know a lot about the Cosby show?” And I will be like “Oh, perhaps I can be of assistance.” I am one of the worst driver’s I have ever seen and I just want you all to know that if you are ever on the highway behind me, I hear you honking and I also don’t want me to be doing what I am doing. I don’t like that I am in that lane either, and I sure would like to get out of it. I was on the highway in Texas recently which was like a highway filled with 13-year-olds, and I was in the far left lane, and I was going into the far left lane and it turned into a U-turn only lane and I started to make a U-turn but I panicked because I didn’t want to make a U-turn so I put the car in reverse and merged right back on the highway. The best thing about that was that after that cars were pulling up and looking over to see who just did that piece of shit move expecting to see like a 100-year-old blind dog who is texting while driving and drinking a smoothie and said they see a 28-year-old healthy man trying his best.